I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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