i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize