Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
