I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
