If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
