They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
