I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
