Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
