A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
