i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
