This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it glows. i had to have it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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