the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
