Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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