never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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