He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We don't watch enough power rangers
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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