Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
