In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude i'm inner monologue high
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
