she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
