I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
