First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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