I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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