apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
