8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize