I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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