so explain again why im purple
no
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
