her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize