you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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