Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
