he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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