I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
