It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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