she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
