I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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