i just made my gag reflex go away.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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