She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
