The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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