He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
