This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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