Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
