I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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