just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
