I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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