So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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