party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
