Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
