I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize