He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
