Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
