She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Never underestimate the power of titties
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
