I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
