She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
