listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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