Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
