i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
