People in love make me want to vomit
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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