Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
