I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
