so that wasnt chicken after all
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this just has baby written all over it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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