dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize