A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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