As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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