I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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