You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
