how do flat chested girls get laid?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
