Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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