It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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