Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
