It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
how does that bad decision feel?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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