you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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