she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
