You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
