so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
