omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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