I wish I could punch you in the face.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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