I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
