You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize