OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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