dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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