You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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