We won't sleep together?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
