im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
