her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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