8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
