He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
