"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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