Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
