she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
