Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
