it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
