I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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