Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
