I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
