I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize