This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
