know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
