I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
