why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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