Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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