I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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