Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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