Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize