hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
