Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
