Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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