Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize