How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
