so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
