Don't you send me to vm
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
