Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

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(513): View more from Ohio

the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.

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(712): View more from Iowa

The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.

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(716): View more from New York

i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time

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(813): View more from Florida

Penises. Everywhere.

(772): View more from Florida

You're. Welcome.

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(702): View more from Nevada

If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money

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